The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss by Amy Noelle Parks

Author:Amy Noelle Parks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2021-01-05T00:00:00+00:00

EVIE

The door opens behind me, and I know it’s Caleb even before he says, “I don’t have to remind you of the gravitational constant, right?”

He comes up behind me and holds open my jacket. I shrug into it.

“Is it wrong to dream of being an orphan?” I say.

“Not under the circumstances.”

I love my parents, but I dread the lifetime of Thanksgivings stretching out before me where I’ll constantly be evaluated for possible mental breakdowns.

Turning to Caleb, I say, “When we grow up, I want to spend every holiday with your family.”

“I love that plan.”

I lean my head against his shoulder and take deep CBT breaths, counting my heartbeats each time. “Where’s Leo?” I ask, even though I’m relieved he’s not here. I don’t want to explain my parents’ behavior or talk about my past problems or hear about his feelings while I’m still making sense of mine.

“I told him you might be headed back to Newton and that he should check.”

I look up at Caleb. “You knew I wouldn’t be.”

“I did.” He’s quiet. “Are you mad? Do you want him?” There’s something vulnerable in Caleb’s voice.

I find his hand and lace his fingers with mine. “No. I should probably text him soon. He’ll be worried.” But I don’t move, and neither does Caleb. Being with him is so ridiculously easy. He is almost impossible to disappoint or make angry, and he’s constantly reading everyone around him to make sure they’re okay. I wonder if he’s ever exhausted by this.

“You know she’s wrong,” he says after a little while.

“About which part?”

“That you can’t handle it. That the mathematics isn’t worth it. That a setback would break you. Maybe about your father too. I don’t know.”

“He is jealous sometimes. His work is incremental. He finds ways to do things that are more efficient. Sometimes more beautiful. But this thing you and I did together … it’s more interesting than anything he’ll ever do.”

“What is it with her? Is it that disease, the one from The Wizard of Oz?”

I look at Caleb blankly.

“You know,” he says, the corners of his mouth turning up. “That one about the munchkins?”

Grinning, I say, “You’re trying to make me laugh.”

He opens his eyes wide. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m trying to have a serious conversation about the appropriate diagnosis for your mother.”

“It’s not Munchausen by proxy. She doesn’t want me to be sick. She’s scared. For good reason, to be fair.”

Because of everything she’s seen me go through, Mom will never be able to see me as well, which makes me wonder about Leo. He can’t be thrilled to have learned more of the gory details of his girlfriend’s history of breakdowns.

“How do you do it?” I ask Caleb.

“What?”

“Treat me like I’m normal. You and Bex both do, but she’s never seen me at my worst.”

He folds his arms on the railing and bends down to rest his chin on them.

“I don’t think I do see you as normal, Evie,” he says, looking out over campus.

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